Are you the mom?

Yesterday a teenage salesman came to my door and mid-sales spiel stopped himself and said, "Wait...Are you the mom?" I smiled (mostly to myself) and gave an affirmative nod. He made a comment about how young I look and then continued with his spiel. I could fill several posts (maybe even start a weekly installment) with funny and not so funny stories about the fact that I look much younger than my 31 years (a problem that really isn't a problem any more) but for the purposes of this post I will only share one more occurrence because it is recent and completely ridiculous. During my recent flight to Las Vegas/CineVegas I was seated in the exit row and therefore asked by the flight attendant if I was willing and able to fulfill the responsibilities expected of an exit row passenger. Once again I experienced a mid-spiel pause when the flight attendant asked me (not the two college age passengers sitting next to me) if I was over 15. Her jaw literally dropped when I told her that I am 31 and a mother of two.

Growing up I remember my mom constantly being asked: "Are you the mom?" and "Are they all your kids?" as she made her way through several decades with six kids in tow. As we have gotten older and "the girls" have gone on mini-vacations together people continue to be amazed that she is our mom and not our sister. Actually, both of my parents look incredible and much younger than their years so I guess I have good genes.

Now back to the young man's question that gave me cause to ponder and prompted this post. Am I the mom? In reality there are a lot of days during which I feel like I am playing house and even more days during which I long to take a day (or week) off from mom duty all together. I also have many days that are so full of mom/kid-silliness that I forget that I am the mom. Being a mama (as my boys call me) makes up a major and the most important part of who I am. This brings me to the next part of my teenage salesman prompted philosophical-ness...My mom. When I became a mom I began to look at the world and review the things I experienced in the home I grew up in with completely different eyes...With the eyes of a mom as opposed to the eyes of a child. These new eyes have created all sorts of wonderings about various woulda, coulda, shoulda's and what woulda, coulda, shoulda I do in a similar situation but because I really am trying to maintain a single thread of thought I'll save those wonderings for later (or maybe not) and get to the next part of my philosophical-ness. My parents divorced nearly a year ago (not news) and my mom is now remarrying (news). Going through each holiday for the first time with divorced parents along with the introduction of my mom's new-future husband has been much more difficult than I think it should be for a 31 year old grown daughter with a family of her own to handle. Which brings me to the next part of my philosophical thread...

When I am struggling with something I don't know how or am not ready to talk about I tend to take a blogging hiatus (thus my recent absence from the blogging world). My last hiatus occurred almost a year ago as my parents were working through the details of their divorce and though everyone needs a break every now and then it should be because they are on vacation or are busy working on a project or are just burnt out, not because they want to post but can't because their feelings are too raw. You see in so many ways my blog is about all of the things that make me, me, and when I can't post I feel as though I am just going through the motions. I don't take the time to ponder/post about all of the little stuff that makes up the big stuff. And when I am not being nostalgic or pondering all my deep thoughts (I am kidding about the deep thoughts) my blog serves as a much needed outlet and way to connect with those who love me.

And finally we arrive at the last point my philosophical-self pondered upon during this stream of conscience-like thread of thought that you are so fortunate to have stumbled upon. I like my "stuff" to be resolved in a way that allows me to package it and then file it in my internal filing cabinet. Unfortunately, my "work in progress" folder is quite small so when I can't figure out a good way to package my stuff it creates havoc on my ability to focus and deal with the things of every day. However, we all know that life doesn't cease to happen just because of stuff and that life doesn't slow down just because you have an internal filing snafu. So you have to move on even if your internal flow isn't flowing smoothly or at all or you are caught in a whirlpool. And I am getting better at it even if this is one of those lessons that I have to relearn repeatedly. Who said, "Past behavior is the best predictor of future performance"? Baby steps. What I am getting at is that even though I am still processing difficult changes in my life and am unable to maintain order in my emotional filing room I am ready to try a little harder to focus on the present. But first I must back up and tell you about the rest of our Colter Bay excursion, our amazing 4th of July weekend, George's third birthday, and of course several miscellaneous daily adventures. Plus there is flashback friday and photobooth pictures to share along with a couple of new items I've checked off the list.

In honor of my philosophical-self (which really doesn't emerge as often as I make it sound) and because you made it this far and therefore deserve a little visual stimulation: a pic for your viewing pleasure.

Me and Paul at The Thinker in Paris during the summer of 2002